il nord

The North, seen by the italians, is a concept perceived both in an admiring and a ridiculing way. from one side, The North is a place where all the women are tall and blond, the trains are on time and the politicians don't punch each other in the parliament. the other side is the stereotypes of bad food, the bad fashion and extreme coldness in communication. The North starts from germany towards the north, and the stereotypes are greatly influenced by the germans and british. french are not nordic. the swiss are. norwegians are so nordic that they must be wearing patterned wool sweaters and viking helmets all day, and it's very difficult to imagine.

my brother was visiting me here a few weeks ago. he entertained the italians as the blond 'viking' guy who drank a lot and didn't talk much. by estonian standards he has brown hair, not blond; he didn't drink much at all; and was very talkative. (only the 'viking' part was party correct, as people from the island where we're from, Saaremaa, indeed were pirates once.)

over and over again i find myself explaining to people the difference between public and private context and why the strange nordic estonians, after frowning for weeks, can suddenly turn into the biggest party animals and do everything for their friends. it's just a question of switching from 'public' mode where it's necessary to seem as cool and uninterested in anything as possible, to 'private' mode, where much more is allowed than normally in a mediterranean company. the knowledge that there is fire under the ice might make it easier to endure the formality of usual communication in a nordic country. it takes a lot of time (during which you might stop trying), but once you're considered 'inside', the people will become unrecognisable.

the stereotypes i've encountered vary greatly. often i have to explain, for example:
- why i'm not blond, and that not all estonians are.
- not all estonians act comatose in company (many of them do though).
- a cold room will be cold for both italians and estonians, no matter which outside temperature we are used to (note that cold is supposed to be outside, not inside).
- how the people manage to stay in a straight line in queues.
- how people manage without the bide's (we have showers).
- if we have orange trees / edible chestnuts / lemons / watermelons / grapes / wine (no, we don't).
- if we have reindeers (no).
- how we survive sauna, and that a 100 degrees won't make your blood boil.
- that yes, we eat pasta (but most people don't know how).
- that we don't use the window covers because we're not used to them and we can sleep with light.
- that we don't hate russians, we just think they don't respect us.
- that we speak estonian, which is not russian, and not related to russian, and don't you ever forget that.
- that yes, we drink a lot (must be all the cold and darkness).
- that yes, the women look very nice (but men generally not).
- that we're an independent country.
- that we're not in war (Baltics & Balkans).
- that we're in the EU.

what noone has asked me about:
- how do we survive the -25 C weather (wearing double hats, pants and gloves, drinking double shots of vodka).
- the temporary ice-roads between the islands and the mainland (1m thick ice will carry up to a 1 ton car).
- the wonderful and healthy black bread.
- the white nights - with only 2 hours of twilight between 12 and 2 am.
- tartu.

edit: I'm aware that in the attempt to avoid going into too many details, I haven't given a satisfactory answer to the burning question of the bidé. In fact what I meant was that a shower can be used instead, though, yes, the bidé will definitely be more convenient. It's just one of these things that exists in some countries and not in others, much like the window blinds (tapparelle), pedestrian reflectors (carta rifrangente), or the gesture of taking off one's dirty shoes while stepping into someone's home.

to be continued